Ignored 15: Antisocial networking

Ignored15

Fake musicians on social media platforms is nothing new.

Fake Paul Anka has 400+ followers on Twitter while fake “official” Madonna has 2,900+. Fake A$AP Ferg has a terrible “real” Facebook page. This Bon Iver Tumblr page is less “fake” and more “meh”.

Overall, this practice is a whole lot of rubbish.

Sadly. popular professional networking tool LinkedIn (the self-proclaimed “world’s largest professional network“) is not immune to this nonsense.

Frankly, the only thing more ridiculous than creating a fake LinkedIn profile for your favourite musician is creating a blog post that summarizes a bunch of these, gives them a score out of 10 and then ranks them.

Anyway…

Eddie Vedder
Singer en Pearl Jam
Chile – Entertainment
http://cl.linkedin.com/pub/eddie-vedder/17/530/638/fr
Rating: 7/10
Comments: I love this fake profile! Namely because it’s clearly some random dude in Chile who spent all of five seconds creating this and never thinking of it again. This lack of commitment is incredible, even by Internet standards. Big moment!

Elvis Costello
Self made man at Self-Employed Freelance Technical Writer
London, Greater London, United Kingdom (London, United Kingdom) – Writing and Editing
http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/elvis-costello/5b/3b8/710
Rating: 6/10
Comments: I like the assertion that Costello is a “self made man”. Not much else here but that piece is solid.
Viewers of this profile also viewed: 3x fake Iggy Pops, PJ Harvey, Tom Waits (‘experienced entertainer’), Damien Rice

Elvis Presley
Butt Doctor at Phil McCrackin, Ass Specalist
Dwight, Ontario, Canada (Ontario, Canada) – Alternative Medicine
http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/elvis-presley/60/89a/6b0
Rating: 9/10
Comments: There’s a lot to like here and the culprit assumedly lived in Wisconsin based on the “Also viewed” section. Just a really strong effort all around with a nice blend of 5th grade humour and smarts.
Viewer of this profile also viewed: The Mayor of Milwaukee

GG Allin
Worker at Lisbon Seafood
Tiverton, Rhode Island (Providence, Rhode Island Area) – Wholesale
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/gg-allin/51/963/731
Rating: 3/10
Comments: Not much to work with here but either way, the notion of GG Allin/”GG Allin” working with food makes me want to avoid Lisbon Seafood, if possible. Y’know, that thing he did with the banana et all…

Kendrick Lamar
Recording Artist at Top Dawg, Aftermath & Interscope
Compton, California (Greater Los Angeles Area) – Music
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/kendrick-lamar/63/517/b67
Rating: 8/10
Comments: Assume this is a fake but at least the faker took the time to include actual social media links and plenty of factual whatnot. Shows commitment to the craft!
Viewers of this profile also viewed: Dr. Dre, J Cole, Nicki Minaj, Snoop Dogg, Kanye West

Mike Reno
Independent Entertainment Professional
Vancouver, Canada Area – Entertainment
http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/mike-reno/4/1b0/288
Rating: 5/10
Comments: Uh… I’m not entirely convinced this isn’t the REAL Mike Reno. So no further comments…

Nate Dogg
Badass
Cambridge, Ontario, Canada (Kitchener, Canada Area) – Automotive
http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/nate-dogg/6a/6/6b3
Rating: 10/10
Comments: Now THIS is a fake LinkedIn profile!!! In essence (and in our hearts), the late Nate Dogg is a professional “badass” who lives in Cambridge and works in the automotive industry. A real prime example of stupidity on the Internet!

Slim Shady
Rapper
Beverly Hills, California  (Greater Los Angeles Area) – Investment Management
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/slim-shady/50/268/51a
Rating: 0/10
Comments: Pointless.
Viewers of this profile also viewed:  Snoop Dogg, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, 50 Cent, Lil’ Wayne

Snoop Dogg
Owner, Doggy Style Records
Greater Los Angeles Area – Music
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/snoop-dogg/3b/927/17b
Rating: 4/10
Comments: This is a bit of a “yes, and….???” propisition since it’s not funny yet largely accurate. You’re likely as polarized as I am.
Viewers of this profile also viewed: Nicki Minaj, Lil’ Wayne, Kanye West, Beyonce Knowles, 50 Cent, Pharrell Williams, Wiz Khalifa

Stephen Malkmus
Musician at Pavement
London, United Kingdom – Human Resources
http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/stephen-malkmus/26/71/798
Rating: 1/10
Comments:  This is weak stuff. A stingy zero connections, Malk never lived in the UK and working in Human Resources is neither funnny nor remotely.
Viewer of this profile also viewed: All four members of “Sonic Youth”, Lou Barlow

To summarize…
1. Fake Nate Dogg
2. Fake Elvis Presley
3. Fake Kendrick Lamar
4. Fake Eddie Vedder
5. Fake Elvis Costello
6. Fake (real?) Mike Reno
7. Fake Snoop Dogg
8. Fake GG Allin
9. Fake Stephen Malkmus
10. Fake Eminem (also known as Slim Shady)

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Ignored 14: What diss?

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Twitter kinda freaked today with the release of “Control”. This choppy, droning Big Sean original is most notable for its Kendrick Lamar check-in that calls out 11 of hip-hop’s top “young lions” with K-Dot suggesting that he’d REALLY like to murder them. Metaphorically speaking.

Time will tell but “Control” may very well have fuelled the largest reaction to a(n alleged) diss track since Nas’ “Ether” and yet when examined more carefully, is “Control” REALLY a diss track at all?

It doesn’t appear so.

Kendrick’s words are HEAVILY quantified in the following manner…

1. After he spews out his bulleted list of targets (and with all due respect… Meek Mill?… really?!?), he quickly states that “I’ve got love for you all…”. It’s a nice moment.

2. A few verses earlier, he namedrops Jay-Z and some other older dudes, essentially stating that he identifies more with the “old school” than the “new school”. We kind of already knew this. I mean, “Compton”?? This was not new information.

3. He finishes by commenting that he is “tryna raise the bar high” and then goes into a difficult airplane analogy that wraps with the suggestion of using a latex condom as a parachute, which I doubt would work so not sure what he’s getting it here. It’s wordplay of some sort.

So to paraphrase…

1. “Hello. I have much respect for all my recent contemporaries in hip-hop circles.”

2. “In general, I tend to identify more with some of the artists that came before me.”

3. “I am always trying to improve and please be advised, this is one of my primary ambitions in the music business. A key goal would be to set a new performance standard for my fellow (ahem) ‘ballers’.”

No doubt, “Control” is full of swagger and is fairly ballsy but to suggest it belongs in the same breathe as “Ether”, “No Vaseline” or even “Range Life” is wrong and maybe ridiculous.

What “Control” is is a marketing tool. Big Sean’s Hall of Fame full-length drops on August 27th. K.Dot may very well be the biggest MC in the game by year’s end. ETC.

Good timing. But yeah. We’ve seen this “hey, let’s start a fake fight” approach used a million times before. Why do consumers keep falling for this and more importantly, why do we even WANT our favourite rappers feuding? Seriously. Did “We’re All in the Same Gang” not teach us a damn thing?!?

At most, “Control” is a good-natured tickle on the tummy to K.Dot’s contemporaries and essentially a call-toiarms to collectively raise the bar.

It’s a lyrical reality check.

It’s a pep rally.

Just don’t try to position this as a warning shot. It’s clearly not.

Ignored 13: Modern rock mood swaps

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A mildly interesting footnote to the original grunge era is the fact that it in its midst came two universally-despised singles from a pair of the 1980s universally-adored modern rock ‘treasures’.

First came “Shiny Happy People” by R.E.M., a cloyingly-merry little ditty from a band that was occasionally sullen and almost always, obtuse. Months later, the Cure dropped their morning television anthem “Friday I’m in Love” and gave fans and non-fans a total WTF, especially coming on the heels on the delightful misery that was 1989’s Disintegration.

Ironically (or maybe not ironically), ‘real fans’ largely hated these songs and yet these bands were arguably both at the absolute height of their popularity (at least commercially speaking) during this time. The Cure toured massive stadiums in America. Dylan and Brenda listened to “Losing my Religion” over pregnancy scares. It was a great time!!!

The fact that these tunes broke large at a time when Nirvana and Alice in Chains were widely attempting to break spirits is pretty astonishing. However, it’s safe to estimate that 70-80 per cent of people who love/d these songs were not primarily fans of R.E.M. or the Cure in the first place. Much like “real” Radiohead fans would come to tolerate “Creep” in the years to follow, many fans chose to ignore these tunes as unfortunate blips and instead, chose to immerse themselves in back catalogues or needle drugs or whatever tickled their filthy.

It’s unfortunate there is/was so much malice levelled at these songs and I’ll earmark myself an outlier here since:
(A) I love R.E.M. and I strongly like the Cure
(B) I think both of these songs are quite fantastic

I’m going to attempt to defend both songs and since this is the Internet and it requires a requisite amount of negativity, I will attempt to deflect the ire to two other songs that I think are much more deserving (and terrible).

People hate: “Shiny Happy People”

Why this is…

The song is way too upbeat and this obviously made cynics sad and angry. Lame historians would suggest that America circa 1991 wasn’t READY for a song like “Shiny Happy People” in the wake of the Gulf War. However, note that the other notable modern rock smash of summer 1991 was EMF’s peppy fake rave effort “Unbelievable” so there’s a bit of a double standard here. Unrelated, it’s kind of amazing in hindsight how similar “Unbelievable” was to the Charlatans’ “The Only One I Know” in terms of sound, video styling and pants. Perhaps if Tim Burgess and friends had themselves made good use of an Andrew Dice Clay sample, the entire history of second wave Madchester would’ve been altered. Anyway, R.E.M. had toyed with playful singles before, most notably 1985’s “Can’t Get There From Here” and 1989’s trainwreck “Stand”. “Shiny Happy People” almost seemed like an attempt by the band to tempt fait and see how far they could push the precious envelope. In the end, I think Stipe’s clothes were the proverbial straw, camel’s back, etc.

Why this shouldn’t be…

Again, this song is not really THAT out of step with a lot of tracks from the band’s back catalogue and while yes, it was probably a bit jarring coming right after the angsty “Losing my Religion”, the R.E.M. discography is literally littered both with a ton of lite-hearted fun and a ton of cynicism and sorrow. “Shiny Happy People” is clearly an attempt at writing something exceedingly poppy while it doesn’t seem fairly Barenaked Ladies-esque in retrospect, personally, I think it’s pretty indicative of why R.E.M. was such a force for the first two decades. They could’ve chosen to be 100 per cent heavy handed and righteous like U2 (their closest parallel in terms of broad career arc, I guess) but they always kept fans and non-fans guessing with music that was often amazing and at very least, interesting. Also, the back-up vocals from the B-52’s’ Kate Pierson are (very) fantastic and paired with her support efforts on Iggy Pop’s underappreciated “Candy” the year prior, she was easily the… uh, top female modern rock guest vocalist of 1990-1991.

Try hating instead…

“Radio Song” is just weak in all regards. It doesn’t really rock. It’s not really cute or funny or insightful. The call-and-response stuff with KRS-One is just annoying and frankly, seemed a bit forced. The rapping is terrible and it comes off like R.E.M. are trying to leech off KRS’ cred in a “Hey, check out how open minded we are/We have a reformed ‘gangsta rapper’ guesting”-type of fashion. The move was especially uninteresting considering the similarity in nuance to Chuck D delivering some verses on Sonic Youth’s “Kool Thing” the previous summer. In summary, the intro to “Radio Song” is shimmery and nice and the rest is a whole lotta garbage.

People hate: “Friday I’m in Love”

Why this is…

The song was REALLY overplayed at the time and continues to dovetail into eternity since it’s a song that is specifically associated with an emotion (“I love Fridays”) that is almost universal. Ok, Vitamin C‘s “Graduation (Friends Forever)” tried a similar trick with a different emotion (“I’m in high school and I love my friends”). However, the problem there is children age and this specific emotion wanes quickly since it is very specific to a time and place. Which is why other tracks have easily slid into this specific niche subsequently; most recently, “We are Young” by fun..

Why this shouldn’t be…

It’s a cop out but go read the R.E.M. paragraph and apply the similar defence to “Friday I’m in Love”. Although they were largely regarded as “goth” and remembered for Robert Smith’s hair, the Cure should instead be recalled for their ability to mix the dour with the delightful. They had a TON of really fun, upbeat singles prior to “Friday I’m in Love”. I mean, the video for “In Between Days” had a floating sock montage, goddamit!! Even moreso than R.E.M., the Cure could get really, really dark or really, really poppy and Talking Heads-ish. Again, heavyweight contemporaries such as U2, Depeche Mode and Midnight Oil only really had one speed (serious and earnest) whereas the Cure and R.E.M. mixed up both emotions and sounds with ease. A seriously underrated skill, musically-speaking IMHO.

Try hating instead…

My ire on this track is singularly directly at Robert Smith’s yelp at the 43 second mark. Seriously, “Mint Car” is a throwaway track at best but with this yelp, it’s a complete abomination. It is seriously the worst.

Ignored 12: 1,200+ words about SIANspheric

Ignored12

Bold statement: SIANspheric is/was awesome, need a larger web presence and everything else.

SIANspheric is one of those bands that continues to have a small but severe reverence close to 20 years in. Which is amazing considering the band was, at its peak, ‘obscure’ at best. If you are aware of SIANspheric, chances are you like or love SIANspheric. It’s a high percentage proposition to be certain.

Born of the sleepy bedroom community (terrible expression BTW) of Burlington, Ontario, the outfit arrived slightly late to the first wave ‘shoegaze’ thing but ultimately, kinda slayed 90 per cent plus of the outfits in that scene. They specialized in a moody nuance that was both bleak and beautiful and while their cues were obvious given the era, they were one of the few North American shoegaze bands to break. Relatively speaking in terms of style and stature.

SIANspheric sits in a bit of black hole digitally in so far as they emerged just before the Internet became “The Internet!!” As a result, there isn’t a ton of content about SIANspheric online in spite of the fact they toured Canada multiple times, had CDs that were popular in certain circles and were a pseudo-flagship band of one of Canada’s top indie labels of the 1990s, Sonic Unyon.

Case in point: you Google them in 2013 and early on, you’re directly to such binary afterthoughts as their order page at Indigo.com. Related: lame shipping terms!

The first two SIANspheric albums (1995’s Sominum and 1997’s There’s Always Someplace You’d Rather Be) are (really) fantastic and everything else in their discography is good to very good/great. The music is  nice and watery, and seemingly effortless. While the band ultimately got a bit more dubby in later releases, part of the charm of Sominum especially is breaks in tunes like “Watch Me Fall”. The band kinda sorta abandons the shoegaze/space rock/dream pop thing for a stretch and more or less, reverts to a relatable suburban indie band. In the process, they momentarily sound like any outfit on the Squirtgun Records roster. Then, they fog over on the next track and go back to doing it better than Slowdive et all.

For a handful of 30-somethings in the GTA, the effect is powerfully carnal. It’s a weird balance of sounding completely familiar and comfortable on the one hand and totally austere and distant on the other. And this was a band you could catch with some regularly on small stages. A complete anomaly of the era.

There isn’t a strong narrative to this feature since it’s largely an exercise in giving SIANspheric a bit of an SEO jolt. Accordingly, here is a collection of three additional observations about SIANspheric.

Feel free to read out-of-order as it won’t matter to the non-existent arc.

1. I ‘m going to suggest than Tristan Psionic and SIANspheric were the two Canadian indie bands of the 1990s most often mistaken for each other, purely based on their name, pedigree and geography. As awesome as they were/are, SIANspheric’s branding was a bit troubling. Sianspheric, SIANspheric, SIAN spheric, Tristan Psionic… through no fault of their own (aside from the fact they named the band), the name seemed to throw some people in terms of the correct spelling and proper capitalization. That being said, there were other Canadian bands of the era (namely, Treble charger/treble charger and Rusty/rusty) who seemed to inspire like-minded confusion vis a vis capitalization and whatnot. In summary, I guarantee I’m the only living person in 2013 who is still giving these matters any thought whatsoever.

2. In hindsight, it is notable that there really weren’t any truuuuuuuue North American-born “superstars” of the original shoegaze movement. That’s to say, no North American bands achieved the widespread notoriety of My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive, Curve, Catherine Wheel et all. One could argue that outfits like Galaxie 500 and the Smashing Pumpkins took major cues from these fellas and gals. But seriously, it’s not the same thing at all. DC-based weirdos Lilys were probably the highest tally on the North American/popular/shoegaze-y Venn diagram, especially whilst in the throws of their foggy 1994’s “mind eff” Eccsame the Photon Band. Even still, the band quickly packed up the phaser and went on a heavy 1960s power pop riff as the late decade fizzled out.

3. The shows SIANspheric did with Mystery Machine about a year ago are potentially on my Top 10 concert misses list. Twin underappreciated greatness.

For more information on SIANspheric, visit their Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/SIANspheric

Aside: Getting back to this “North Americans don’t/can’t shoegaze” notion, could this be 80 per cent a cultural thing and 20 per cent a marketing thing? Here is the breakdown…

80 per cent cultural – To be a shoegaze band by perception, you need to be withdrawn in a way that is specific to the UK: A cornerstone of the shoegaze persona is shyness. And we’re not talking about your standard, garden-variety shyness here. This is next level. Clinical. Dudes like Kevin Shields and the younger version of Neil Halstead seemed completely withdrawn in a way that was entirely foreign to these eyes: vastly destroyed emotionally but also sarcastically hilarious with great hair and cool pants/shoes. It’s more perception than anything as there appeared to be something inherently European (and by European, I mean British or Irish in these instances) in the way these people stood on stage, spoke in interviews and composed their music. Their personalities were entirely oblique (and essentially, glossed over) and their music was awesome in the way in seemed four, five or six degrees removed from anything that resembled “presentation” in the traditional sense. I suppose that was the appeal. Stateside, Sonic Youth could loop their effects pedals ad naseum, pierce ear drums and through it all, there’d still be a carnal sense of familiarity within the chaos since you knew Thurston Moore grew up in Connecticut and chances are, his cultural touchstones were probably not disimmilar to yours. This goes ten-fold for SIANspheric (for me, anyway) since they were literally a short drive away and yet were creating this powerful, impactful music that certainly didn’t sound like the Burlington I knew (not that I knew it at all beyond signs off the QEW and a single visit to Martin Streek‘s club night on Plains Road East). Again, to reiterate my early statement, SIANspheric are probably the one band I have ever listened to that (A) sounded completely familiar and comfortable on the one hand and (B) totally austere and distant on the other. They broke through the exoticism that is essentially required to “shoegaze” proper and ended up on an island (a noisy, ponderous island) in the process. Good job!

20 per cent marketing – All shoegaze album artwork and liner notes must be abstract and hard to interpret/read: A shoegaze album requires blurry artwork. No exceptions! The 4AD label was the touchstone for this approach as everything they ever put out appeared 25 per cent more “arty” than it was because of their dramatic cover art aesthetic. Case in point: I’d argue that the Breeders would be remembered completely differently if the album art on Pod and Last Splash was more (ahem) provincial to where the ladies and that drummer came from (yes, Wiggs was British.. shut up). Kim Deal is beyond awesome but at the end of the day, she is effectively a gregarious “salt of the earth” type from Dayton who just happens to have a compellingly strange sense of rhythm. Yeah, bit of a cheapshot at Dayton but essentially true. Also, it’s a fine line between “arty”/cool and “arty”/garbage when it comes to album art. Ergo, while the artwork on Sominum is not bad per se given the era, it kinda of looks like software packaging moreso than music in retrospect.

Ignored 11: Setlists without prejudice

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Bold statement: When a band plays a concert (ne: “gig”), more often than not, there is a template (in a broad sense) that is followed when the setlist is composed. This needs to be commented on.

Underrated website alert: http://www.setlist.fm/

Setlist.fm is an awesome resource for concert goers and although its Wiki-esque architecture doesn’t always lend itself to things like “accuracy”, it still is a wonderful online destination to revisit your favourite concert memories. Just recently, it allowed me to revisit the splendor that was this and this but not this.

Spend five minutes on the website and you’re liable to be struck by how similar a lot of concert setlists are. There is a cadence that bands tend to follow with respect to the energy and approach to setlist architecture. Sequencing is key, not unlike crafting a mix tape or planning a murder in cold blood.

In an effort to kill the guest work (and an excuse to create a PDF), here is the Completely Ignored Setlist Template (CIST) that bands can follow to help them craft exceeding predictable setlists. This is based on a 15-song setlist model (12 tunes in the regular set, three in the encore). Lots of variance in reality of course but nine times out of 10, you could plug and play and your fans would be none the wiser.

PDF Download: Completely Ignored Setlist Template

Song #1: The band’s second biggest hit (or equivalent)!!! This should be a recognizable, high energy number or if not high energy, at least something that builds momentum or anticipation or excitement. Bonus points if it works thematically, as was the case with Pulp’s comeback appearance at the 2011 Reading Festival. Similarly, we should seriously hope that the Smiths never reunite but if they do, is there any doubt that this song will be the opener of their first comeback gig?

Song #2: An exciting song!!! Easily the best baseball analogy of this entry, the #2 song needs to rival the #2 hitter in a batting order. Characteristics will include reliability, focus, grit, etc. This song/hitter is pivotal to keep momentum strong and can seriously thwart the setlist/batting order if it’s a proverbial “rally killer”. Typically an older song BTW.

Song #3: A strong song from the new album This is where we take a step back. Assumedly. Even if your favourite band’s new album is well received, chances are, a majority of the crowd will only have a cursory interest in hearing anything new aside from the track that is widely regarded as the best of the bunch. Everything else will be kind of… meh!!! Bands try to curb this by frontloading with one of their better new tracks. Probably won’t work.

Song #4: A less strong song from the new album See Song #3 and subtract 25 per cent in the interest column. The initial jolt of “hey, the concert has started” will have worn off and upwards of 30-40 per cent of the audience will become a bit antsy. This song probably doesn’t suck but again, the unfamiliarity will cause energy levels to flatten.

Song #5: A reasonably well-received older song By no means the band’s biggest hit but something that should have some level of recognition from the back catalogue. A reaction from a typical audience member would be “I’m glad this isn’t another new song… but this probably isn’t the song I’D choose!” Line-ups at the bar and washrooms will grow by 20-25 per cent during this track, depending on length (of song).

Song #6: New song / rest song / ZZZZZZZZZ The place in the show where half-soused couples start fighting. This song is probably slower and lets the band rest. Don’t be shocked or offended if a band member (or multiple band members) drink beer, juice, cocktails or water during this tune. It may happen.

Song #7: New song / rest song / ZZZZZZZZZ 2.0 The girl or guy walks out. If there’s going to be a fight in the crowd, NOW’S THE TIME!!!

Song #8: Older song with experimental “noodling” It’s true. A lot of bands will go all Grateful Dead at this point in the setlist, either to breathe life into something old or out of sheer tedium. The results could either be awesome or a complete train wreck. Sometimes, it’s both! A recent study shows that a band member will sneak offstage to smoke a cigarette in 20 per cent of concerts during this tune.

Song #9: Obscure B-side or deep album cut Definitely not for the sweethearts, this stage in the setlist is a bit of a “no man’s land” for all but the most diehard fans. It’s the place to slot in that random song from an earlier album that likely wasn’t that good to begin with but at least will give annoying pukes a chance to overemote in an effort to legitimize of their fandom (in their own eyes). It’s alright and OK.

Song #10: Semi-recent hit that girls like and drunk people will get excited about This is where the set gears back up and salvages the concert for those who ain’t into noodling or “deep cuts”. The concert is likely around an hour in by this point. The end of the set is on the horizon. The band is rested and rejuvenated from their delicious water breaks or cigarette pauses. Overall, they’re ready to “bring this home” as they say in amateur sports and really lame boardrooms.

Song #11: Loud, high energy song A bit of a “table setter” for the closer, this song must ensure that lethargy has been cleared from the room (or outdoor space) so the outfit is primed to end things on a high note. This is also the best opportunity for some “random mosh pit” action which could be a fight or could just be some random lush being passed around into oblivion. Probably the best chance for personal injury to occur is during this song.

Song #12: The current single Ok, maybe not the current single but it’s the last song of the set proper and at very least, this should be a song for everybody. Ideally, this song lends itself to a disingenuous extended outro. I mean, everybody knows the encore is to follow but the band needs to act like it’s their last song. Because that’s just what is done.

Aside: Can we seriously ditch this little charade of “will they or won’t they come back out???” at concerts between the main setlist and the encore(s). I get that the band members need to pee or whatever but between the rhythmic applause, the hootin’, the hollering’, the lame chants and the like, it’s a piece of theatre we can do without. Ideally, the venue should include a little countdown clock on-stage a la New Year’s Eve or the TTC so you know the precise moment that the band will return. In short, attending a concert needs to be more like riding public transit.

Song #13: Underwhelming song Chalk this up to the fact the band was likely just in the bathroom and/or smoking dope but the first song of the encore is typically a bit of a letdown. Often, it’ll be some completely forgettable album cut from their new album and it’ll make the audience feel like all their whistling and rhythmic applause was for nothing! #buzzkill

Song #14: Well-received cover song That’s more like it! Hipsters and “serious” music fans loathe to admit it but everybody loves cover songs. File under “Hell, why not”.

Song #15 The band’s most famous song of all-time!!!!! Trite and predictable but often true.

Aside: Somebody went on setlist.fm and switched all these songs played during Sloan’s Twice Remove anniversary tour stop in Loretto, Ontario (?!?) to song titles that involve either cows, cattle or other farm-based themes. We clearly live in a Wiki-world.